Ten Teps on Talking with Your Kids about Sex

Sexuality is a normal part of growing up. For most parents and caregivers, though, sex is often an uncomfortable topic to approach with their kids. Many people say “I’d rather not” or “we’ll talk about it later.” Some people fear that talking openly about sex will give the message “you should have sex and lots of it.” That will depend on the messages that you give. You as a parent or caregiver can be a healthy role model for them, and teach them limits and boundaries while recognizing their natural curiosities.

Teaching children about safety and responsibility is very important to their development. Sharing your values with them openly and giving them reasons behind your values can be very meaningful and can influence children to think before they act. Not speaking with children about sex increases the likelihood of them finding out misinformation from their peers or encourages them to practice unsafe sex. Keeping kids “in the dark” about sex can be likened to not teaching them household safety; what they don’t know could hurt them.

Children and adolescents often think they are invincible, that they will not get pregnant or contract any sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s) such as HIV, Herpes, or other diseases too numerous to mention. It is important to approach the topic of sexuality, to discuss the pleasures and risks of sex with them. Also, they are heavily influenced by their peers, and want to be accepted. This might cause them to engage in behaviors they otherwise might avoid. “If all my friends are doing it….” As a parent, you have the ability to counteract some of the peer pressure with healthy messages.

The following are a few suggestions you may use to discuss sex openly with children and adolescents:

1. Educate yourself about child and teenage sexual development, and safer sex. You can read materials, attend workshops, or watch videos about how to talk you’re your kids about sex before they become sexually active. (The age for this is as young as 10 or 11 nowadays)

2. Start early. Talk with your children about their bodies, including body functions in a way they can understand based on their age. Avoid shaming them for being curious about sexuality.

3. Discuss your values about sex, and why you chose those values.

4. Talk about possible positive and negative outcomes of sexual behavior.

5. As needed, use some age-appropriate educational books, videos, or pamphlets geared to children and adolescents.

6. Allow your children to ask questions about sex, and be as honest as you can with them. If you don’t know how to respond to a question, it is OK to say that you will find out the answer and tell them later.

7. Talk with children and teens about what to expect from their bodies due to hormonal changes, such as development of breasts, menstruation, masturbation, wet dreams, body hair, genitals, etc. so they are not “freaked out” by these natural changes.

8. Discuss safer sex practices, and unsafe ones. Include information about birth control, risks of various sexual activities such as kissing, petting, and intercourse, as is age appropriate.

9. Take your youngster workshops, sex education classes, or to a clinic so they can have access to information and resources.

10. The best thing that you can do is value your child and adolescent, to encourage them to feel good about their bodies and their minds. A young person’s high self-esteem goes a long way.

If you are too uncomfortable discussing the issues, you can also seek consultation with a therapist that can guide you through. Either way, there is help and resources available.

Whether we like it or not, children and teens are usually curious about sexuality. It is part of growing up. As with other areas of life, it is much better for them to learn the facts from you than to learn myths from someone else. Encourage them to make informed and healthy decisions. Make yourself available to them as a listener and resource in case things to go awry. Try to explain things simply and clearly, without judging them or lecturing. There are no guarantees that they won’t rebel, act irresponsibly, or find themselves in troubling circumstances. These are just some ways to increase their chances of staying safe, protecting them; otherwise, you are leaving them to their own devices, or in the hands of strangers to teach them that which is your right and responsibility as a parent.

Sometimes, you may need additional support or intervention. You might want to access a local agency or find a counselor or coach that can help you and your kids succeed and thrive!

Shortfalls of Sex Education

Two people copulating without any knowledge of mind and body are as useful to each other as uncooked ham and eggs to a hungry customer in a diner or restaurant. Basically sex is not about the merging of two parts but the glorification of two unique individuals with so much power between them a whole new world could be presented if they only knew how to unleash it. Everything starts in the mind is complimented by the spirit and utilized or implemented by the members of the body. If you educate the mind you automatically enlighten the body.

Here in Ireland it is widely perceived that Irish men know as little about sex as they do about most things related with women. We could also argue that women actually know very little about men too but decline to admit it.

In fact it is very true to know that most of us all over the world know very little about the workings of the mind, let alone the benefits of mind and body stimulation.

Flitting from partner to partner like a bee hovering from flower to flower may have physical benefits but will be lacking in mental education and insight. Sure one may have good sex and be as withdrawn as a prostitute and if that is all you seek then be one.

If on the other hand you desire to give as well as receive then develop more wisdom through educated knowledge so you may enjoy real pleasure. We were created to enhance each other not to ridicule, be disrespectful, taunt, abuse, harass or simply to be indifferent to each others needs. We are created to love one another!

If you are a student of the mind with a high capacity sex drive then it shall behoove you to understand the magic of meditation as an enhancement to your mission. When a couple becomes attracted towards each other foreplay is immediately set on automatic whether they are aware of it or not.

Everything that a man can do to induce his mate that he is right for her he does and likewise with the woman she will do all she can to encourage her man that she is right for him. All this goes on behind the scenes and away from the physical copulation of sexual intimacy. True insightful intimacy is as important for men and women therefore it is immaterial whether same gender or opposite gender; to know is to love, to love is to give and to receive pleasure gratefully.

Yet as soon as sex is initiated foreplay goes out the window and routine sets in with the majority feeling shortchanged. If truth be told both are feeling the essence of a missing ingredient but not everyone is aware or even willing to acknowledge being aware of it.

Orgasms are magical and while they reduce the electrical charge of physical want with an explosive charge they do not satisfy the long term mental or intellectual needs of the mind, spirit and body. Of course one has to be aware of ones own needs before one realizes the needs of another and most lovers have a vague understanding regarding needs and wants.

The strongest aphrodisiac is respect; both for ones partner and ones own person. Therefore if you do not own your mind enhancing it with positive strong self-esteem there is no way in hell frozen over that you can relate with your lover. The only ones capable of exquisite techniques are specialists in sex but they are not ‘tied’ to you intellectually; it is just a job. Loneliness is reaching epidemic proportions and it is no wonder too with such little appreciation for enlightened educated and loving intimacy.

As intellectual humans we desire more than a simple orgasm; we need the pleasure derived from full and complete participation from morning to night and all points in between. Thus it stands to reason that if you improve your self-esteem awareness levels you will by default become more in tune with the intellectual requirements of your lover.

I do recommend all and sundry to invest in the benefits of the techniques awaiting between the pages of excellent books like the numerous sex education books available at your local bookstore, library or through various internet outlets. The more we know about the workings of the body and lovemaking techniques the less distraught we shall be with our mates and life in general too.

Useful tip: discover the uniqueness of Rosemary (rosmarinus officinalis). It is one of the earliest plants to be used for food and medicine with sacred affinities by many civilisations. Use it when cooking especially with chicken but use it sparingly as it is quite strong. A gentle hint is more appreciative to the senses than killing them with over use. As an herb it has so many benefits too numerous to mention and is also used as an oil.

Tooraloo for now and see you soon. God bless!

Sex Education

Sex education is the act of informing the younger generation about everything they need to know in sex. It is widely agreed that sex education should be given to the youngsters for that is the age where they need to know all about the ill effects o f unhealthy sex and gain confidence and clarity on healthy sex.

The benefit

Sex education is necessary for people to make crucial decisions in their lives. All the negative effects of sex can be avoided with a sound knowledge of sex. Unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases can be completely averted. This in return would allow youngsters to concentrate on other important things in life like career, education, ambition and other goals. Developing confidence and decision making skills.

Not all sex teachers or advisers tell you the right information. When one tells you the bad effects of sex on one side, the other recommends you to have sex for a healthy living. Therefore decision making is a tough thing. Once given the right information it is up to the youngster to make his own decisions.

Lessons to be taught

Young people gather knowledge about sex through friends, media, magazines and other sources. Some of these are inaccurate. In sex education it is important that you learn all about male and female body parts. Some of your inaccurate information are corrected here. Get to know all the good and bad effects of sex, when to have sex, what are the precautions to be taken before and after sex and the ways of having effective sex. To begin with sex education can tell people about the changes that come over a female during and after her periods, problems women face in their daily lives, pregnancy and its causes.

Sex education is considered to be a sin in some parts of the world. On the contrary it is a boon to the youth. It helps them not only in gaining knowledge but also protects them from the evils of bad sex.

Sex Ed: For Parents or Students (Preteens or Teens)?

Sex is a delicate topic, regardless of who is talking about it. When sex and children are mentioned in the same breath, the subject becomes even more sensitive. From Abstinence Only to Comprehensive Sex Education, the subject matter encompasses various meanings and belief systems attached to the concept, depending on one’s community, upbringing, school system, government, and many more variables.

While many towns and cities around the country debate on how and if Sex Education should be handled IN the school, WHO needs it becomes an interesting issue. This past summer, in fact, a college student posed the following idea: PARENTS today need Sex Ed. We’ve been quite focused on Sex Ed for preteen and teen students, that perhaps, we’ve forgotten about others who may need Sex Ed too. We have to ask the question: do parents need Sex Education more than teens and preteens do?

I speak with many parents as I travel around the world, and my experiences usually end up supporting the hypothesis above. It seems like many parents today, do indeed need Sex Education. Why do I say this?

1) Many parents are naive when it comes to dating and sexual activity among their pre-teen and teenager sons and daughters. Parents constantly share how everyone wants to believe, “Not my child,” and avoid the subject of Sex Ed.

2) For parents who want to discuss Sex Ed at home, the biggest issue is usually how they don’t know HOW to talk about the issue – besides trying to “scare” their child away from intimacy. The intentions are there, but many parents simply aren’t equipped to tackle Sex Ed on their own.

3) Many parents are also unaware of sexual fads among school age children. Whenever this comes up, many Moms and Dads will give a bewildered look and say “I’m 45 years old and have never tried that, and never would.” What they don’t know, or perhaps, what they implicitly accept, is that their children may sometimes be thinking and acting beyond what they, as parents, can imagine.

What do you think? Do you think that today’s parents need Sex Education? If so, what do you think parents need to learn and/or discover?

Some argue that Sex Education “is a subject which should be taught at home.” Do you agree? Is home the ONLY right place for teaching “Sex Ed”? Would teaching both AT HOME and AT SCHOOL be more effective, or less?

Do most parents at home have the right information for teaching the subject matter? If you think parents do need Sex Education, how would you recommend providing the education? More importantly, how do you convince parents to actually attend SexEd classes?

Pros and Cons of Sex Education – Is Prevention of Teen Pregnancy Possible?

The U.S. Educational system suffered in the last U.S. administration, especially in regards to the pros cons of sex education. When then president George Bush was still campaigning for more funding for abstinence-only education programs in November 2007, it was immediately following a national study found that sex education programs – which included contraception information as an integral feature – were most effective at preventing teen pregnancies. This focus on abstinence-only sex education flew in the face of the findings by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.

Today, we are hoping to see a positive increase in the awareness and habits of young people regarding abstinence and safe responsible sex. Unfortunately it remains the poor who lack the opportunity to get the help they need or have a voice as to what their opinions are on these issues that impact their communities. Polls show that most teen pregnancies continue to be amongst blacks and hispanics living in lower income regions of the U.S. The sex education curriculum must consider these findings in better reaching its audience.

Cons - Without Sex Education many young people will be left to the media and hear say to find answers to important questions. Questions – if left unanswered – can lead to unplanned pregnancy and the repetition of a continuing cycle of ignorance. It seems impossible to get an exact match on every parents core values when it comes to sex education, and so it is an ongoing debate more than a con or conflict.

Pros - With Sex Education, young people have the opportunity to learn a basic understanding of their bodies, human reproduction facts and pregnancy prevention techniques. There is no replacing parental, guardian and peer influences upon the behavior of young people. The sexual attitudes and low teen pregnancy statistics of many European cultures is a great example of progressive education. It is hopeful that the current U.S. policy toward sex education will be encouraged by the study of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.

When I counsel families and couples, I try to encourage a proactive approach to learning about sex. There are two extremely good resources that I recommend to my clients for their knowledge of intercourse and hopefully have an impact on lesson plans in their families and communities. Having knowledge and wisdom about sex is an invaluable gift to share as a parent or peer of a young person who may not find the greatest sex advice elsewhere.